Saturday, April 21, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
i got inspired
senior year has given me loads of unexpected work these past few months. from 24-7 yearbooking to endless "im going to college" dilemna, i was left with nothing but at least three hours of sleep every night. i cant complain. it was me who chose to put a work-load of APs and a college course along with my regular high school classes. it was the silly me and my very poor time management skills that make my work look triple than it actually is. blame the inner me who can't say no to help somebody despite the amount of crap i have to face after. blame my other half for being so dedicated to anything i put myself in responsible to. blame my heart for being so stupid, making my mind choose physical beating than emotional one. *sigh* this is me.
i got inspired.
as much as i despise writing, giving up this blog probably is the last thing i will do. the work-load i have been having has left me no time to write. well honestly, ive been writing a lot lately for my college class but writing about reactions to compositions of authors i barely know of is not really writing for me. it's more like scribbling and BSing of facts that do not concern my life. writing for me is like what im doing now. despite my inchoate frontal lobes, i find word manipulation as my way to escape reality for a bit and perpend where my life is now. i may fail writing as a course (with strunk and white as my professors), but i can ace my life through writing what i truly feel.
i got inspired.
yes. i got inspired again to continue writing. thanks to a friend whose everyday throughts inspired me deeply. her words encouraged me to free myself from the boundaries of my own contradictions. maybe all this time, this is all i've been missing. something i can share my feelings to knowing it wont bitch at me for being a suck-ass on life. something i know that won't laugh when i spelled a word incorrectly or made a grammatical error. i got inspired so here i am again writing my thoughts away.
for months, i have deprived myself of self expression. so many words left unsaid and so many feelings are left confinded. it's time to reflect on myself once again before i lose track of the person i am becoming.
i got inspired.
as much as i despise writing, giving up this blog probably is the last thing i will do. the work-load i have been having has left me no time to write. well honestly, ive been writing a lot lately for my college class but writing about reactions to compositions of authors i barely know of is not really writing for me. it's more like scribbling and BSing of facts that do not concern my life. writing for me is like what im doing now. despite my inchoate frontal lobes, i find word manipulation as my way to escape reality for a bit and perpend where my life is now. i may fail writing as a course (with strunk and white as my professors), but i can ace my life through writing what i truly feel.
i got inspired.
yes. i got inspired again to continue writing. thanks to a friend whose everyday throughts inspired me deeply. her words encouraged me to free myself from the boundaries of my own contradictions. maybe all this time, this is all i've been missing. something i can share my feelings to knowing it wont bitch at me for being a suck-ass on life. something i know that won't laugh when i spelled a word incorrectly or made a grammatical error. i got inspired so here i am again writing my thoughts away.
for months, i have deprived myself of self expression. so many words left unsaid and so many feelings are left confinded. it's time to reflect on myself once again before i lose track of the person i am becoming.
Monday, April 09, 2007
10 DIFFERENT THINGS ON MY MIND
1. NYU? Drexel? Stony Brook? Quinnipiac? argggh my college life depends on this decision!
2. thesis paper.. havent started it yet. no thesis, no graduation =/
3. trip to philly on the 14th of april
4. the most anticipated vacation =)
5. '07 graduation [goodbye high school life]
6. my complicated heart and the stupid decisions i made
7. prom.. dress, limo, afterprom!
8. to buy or not to buy a [cellphone, macbook, u2 ipod]??!?
9. senioritis? im in big trouble. slacking off a lot.
10. ap tests on may [im dead]
*spring break is over* =/
2. thesis paper.. havent started it yet. no thesis, no graduation =/
3. trip to philly on the 14th of april
4. the most anticipated vacation =)
5. '07 graduation [goodbye high school life]
6. my complicated heart and the stupid decisions i made
7. prom.. dress, limo, afterprom!
8. to buy or not to buy a [cellphone, macbook, u2 ipod]??!?
9. senioritis? im in big trouble. slacking off a lot.
10. ap tests on may [im dead]
*spring break is over* =/
Saturday, February 17, 2007
how could u?
BuBBLy pUnK 04 (10:19:48 PM): how could someone u rejected so many times but still stayed by your side?
BuBBLy pUnK 04 (10:22:46 PM): how could u reject someone who is funny, wonderful, smart, totally cute, caring and loving for someone u tried to be with but failed a lot of times?
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:19 PM): love is one mysterious thing.
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:29 PM): trust me. you sit down ask yourself so many questions
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:54 PM): you get frustrated cause youre doing the most stupidestestest thing
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:56 PM): but in the end
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:59 PM): what happens?
Mz BaBi GrL (10:24:16 PM): nothing. you sit there all beaten
Mz BaBi GrL (10:24:32 PM): frustrated, with no answer whatsoever.
BuBBLy pUnK 04 (10:22:46 PM): how could u reject someone who is funny, wonderful, smart, totally cute, caring and loving for someone u tried to be with but failed a lot of times?
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:19 PM): love is one mysterious thing.
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:29 PM): trust me. you sit down ask yourself so many questions
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:54 PM): you get frustrated cause youre doing the most stupidestestest thing
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:56 PM): but in the end
Mz BaBi GrL (10:23:59 PM): what happens?
Mz BaBi GrL (10:24:16 PM): nothing. you sit there all beaten
Mz BaBi GrL (10:24:32 PM): frustrated, with no answer whatsoever.
Friday, January 26, 2007
happines - life
a newly found happiness. a different one.
just a smile. one smile.
life is wonderful. happiness is its purpose.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
decisions
1. i decided to take a peek of my future
2. i decided to free myself
3. i decided to let go of the negative things ive been holding on to
4. i decided to be super happy once again
5. i decided to look beyond my imperfections
6. i decided to leave it all to fate
7. i decided to believe that love is not always a fairy tale with happy ending
8. i decided to prove to myself that im stronger than before
9. i decided to live my life without him
10. i decided to go out there and give myself another chance
********
if he's not there to catch you, dont worry... your friends are there waiting and ready for you
thank you. u all kept me going and helped me not to give up. without u guys, i couldnt have gotten through it. im one hell lucky person. i love you guys. =)
********
new sketches -> http://drawmyworld.blogspot.com
********
finals week. im going hiatus for a while. wish me luck
2. i decided to free myself
3. i decided to let go of the negative things ive been holding on to
4. i decided to be super happy once again
5. i decided to look beyond my imperfections
6. i decided to leave it all to fate
7. i decided to believe that love is not always a fairy tale with happy ending
8. i decided to prove to myself that im stronger than before
9. i decided to live my life without him
10. i decided to go out there and give myself another chance
if he's not there to catch you, dont worry... your friends are there waiting and ready for you
thank you. u all kept me going and helped me not to give up. without u guys, i couldnt have gotten through it. im one hell lucky person. i love you guys. =)
new sketches -> http://drawmyworld.blogspot.com
finals week. im going hiatus for a while. wish me luck
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
rebirth
my abrupt move to New York has given my relatively naive mind many questions. questions that relentlessly bothered my entity and led me to live in query. i struggled every minute adjusting to my new life and adapting to a new different culture became a continuous shock. for thirteen years, i have lived my life with comfort and ease certain that nothing, as in nothing, can spoil such life. unfortunately, my very naive being failed me and reality woke my soul from a very absurd perspective of the existence of a perfect life. one by one, everything in front of me seem fading and i started questioning my existence. i've lost my purpose and the reason to believe that i will ever find the answers to my questions. for three years, i've lived a life of doubt, pretension and uncertainty.
the time came when i lost my sense of direction. i've lived my life the same way everyday without knowing where to go and without considering how one action will affect my future. i stubbornly ignored positive signs and persisted to the thought that im just living a life of survival. no love. no adventure. just a time to get over one thing to another. i gave up on a lot of things including myself.
it wasnt until recently that i realized how stupid i have become. all this time, i chose to be like those people who embraced a "helter-skelter" life. individuals who are dumb enough to let themselves drown without even doing anything about it and depended on the phrase "whatever happens". yes, over the course of time, i changed. the very one thing i feared the first time i stepped a foot on this "land of opportunity". indeed i changed and it is with shame that i changed for the worse.
i felt reasonably dense when a friend had to remind me of how great my life is. the fact that i have a very supportive and loving family and great friends, it is without question that i looked at my life weakly. instead of taking small steps to move on with my life, i perpetuated on the past. a dwelled upon a time which i will not be able to change and a time i could never return to. i have let myself fall into a pit where the more i desperately dig for an escape, the more it leads me to a place of darkness and uncertainty. with this, it will be a greater shame if my very soul will blame it to that something [someone], that [who] pushed me to the pit becuase it was i who let myself so close to the opening that simply by losing balance, i found myself at the bottom.
as i let myself free with all the things in my past, i slowly am letting myself out of the pit. new year is a symbol of a new beginning and one by one im trying to let go of all the things that have become a burden to my journey. maybe it was the idea of letting go that made the whole journey difficult. maybe it was him or maybe it was me. for so long, i've desperately yearned to find the answers when all along, the answers are right in front of me. i have forgotten to open my eyes and to look beyond. but now, it is with great joy and thankfulness to say that i finally found myself once again. a feeling of rebirth, i believe, is the right term to express such.
this is something i've been waiting for. one real fresh start for 2007. hello life! im back indeed!
the time came when i lost my sense of direction. i've lived my life the same way everyday without knowing where to go and without considering how one action will affect my future. i stubbornly ignored positive signs and persisted to the thought that im just living a life of survival. no love. no adventure. just a time to get over one thing to another. i gave up on a lot of things including myself.
it wasnt until recently that i realized how stupid i have become. all this time, i chose to be like those people who embraced a "helter-skelter" life. individuals who are dumb enough to let themselves drown without even doing anything about it and depended on the phrase "whatever happens". yes, over the course of time, i changed. the very one thing i feared the first time i stepped a foot on this "land of opportunity". indeed i changed and it is with shame that i changed for the worse.
i felt reasonably dense when a friend had to remind me of how great my life is. the fact that i have a very supportive and loving family and great friends, it is without question that i looked at my life weakly. instead of taking small steps to move on with my life, i perpetuated on the past. a dwelled upon a time which i will not be able to change and a time i could never return to. i have let myself fall into a pit where the more i desperately dig for an escape, the more it leads me to a place of darkness and uncertainty. with this, it will be a greater shame if my very soul will blame it to that something [someone], that [who] pushed me to the pit becuase it was i who let myself so close to the opening that simply by losing balance, i found myself at the bottom.
as i let myself free with all the things in my past, i slowly am letting myself out of the pit. new year is a symbol of a new beginning and one by one im trying to let go of all the things that have become a burden to my journey. maybe it was the idea of letting go that made the whole journey difficult. maybe it was him or maybe it was me. for so long, i've desperately yearned to find the answers when all along, the answers are right in front of me. i have forgotten to open my eyes and to look beyond. but now, it is with great joy and thankfulness to say that i finally found myself once again. a feeling of rebirth, i believe, is the right term to express such.
this is something i've been waiting for. one real fresh start for 2007. hello life! im back indeed!
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